I puked a lego.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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