You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
