I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
