I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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