News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
