you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
