i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Shame - the story of my life.
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