Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You pole danced in your parka.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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