Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
