im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
