The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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