She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
