That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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