how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
