Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
