I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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