Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
