i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
