i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
