DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
