all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
