a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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