Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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