Sponge bath it is.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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