you didnt know i had herpes?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
