dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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