youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
