you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
