Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
