you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
