Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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