K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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