i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
