Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
