You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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