the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
