Your tits are I can't wait for
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
