nut hugger
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
