he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
