you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
