You're my little dorito
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize