Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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