I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
