I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
