I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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