just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
