I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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