Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
