This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
