If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
