He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
