She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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