Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
