I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
