The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
