I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
