I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The air taste purple.
Randomize
