grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
