i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
