We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
