So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
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i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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