I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
