i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
