I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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