Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
