I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
only if we run a train.
done.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
