i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
