awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
