Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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