All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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