Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
