I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
