oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
