I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
