420 ftw
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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